


The Chain on Your Neck

by BabySnoopy



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, F/M, Mental Health Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-26
Updated: 2018-11-26
Packaged: 2019-08-29 18:12:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16749115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BabySnoopy/pseuds/BabySnoopy
Summary: an angsty break up with shua because your depression renders you unable to treat him as he deserves and the answer to your issues can only come from you, not him





	The Chain on Your Neck

You thought very hard and settled on the idea that you had, unwillingly, trapped yourself with Shua in a snow globe. However, instead of pretty snowflakes falling to kiss you gently, you’ve brought down blizzards you never asked for. Your lips quivered as you pulled the sheets closer to your face but you could clearly see the summer heat raging against your closed curtains. Tomorrow will be better, surely it can’t keep going on like this. Just wait and see. There’s only 12 hours and 42 minutes left until midnight. What happens tomorrow? It’s Saturday, you can take it easy. Wait, no it’s not. Today is Thursday. You’re not sure if you want something to eat or just something to chew on. 

“You're doing it again.” Shua’s words cut through the bustling market of your thoughts like shattering glass and all the voices hushed to look solely at him. You blinked once, then twice to meet his eyes that dug deep into yours and you stared right back at him. No, not at him. Your gaze was trained far and beyond the sparkles in his irises that you once adored so. The digital clock beeped from behind you and everything was still. You found yourself in this position one too many times, curled up in bed, face-to-face with your boyfriend as you lean on his arm that should be numb by now. He doesn’t move an inch and neither do you.

The familiarity of this situation mocked you and you wondered how tired he’s gotten. Everything unfolded the same way it did last, except for his face. The first time he had seen you like this, he was overbearingly worried. Rushed back and forth to make you a cup of tea, called up your mom, attempted to stay awake 24/7 in case you ever needed anything. You knew he meant well whenever he pestered you with the questions but it made your head spin all the more violently when you tried articulating an answer that could help him when evidently, you couldn’t even help yourself. But he was as sweet as you liked your earl grey tea, he hummed as he folded the clothes you had thrown onto the floor, and his very presence felt like an early gush of spring in this winter nightmare. 

On the days you were able to laugh and feel it in the pit of your stomach like you usually did, when you put on something that made you feel pretty and you did your makeup for the first time in weeks, the smile on his face stretched from ear to ear. But you were quick to catch the faint glint in his eyes, one that posed a question to check if you were _really_ okay. Then it became impossible for you to overlook the fact that he was stepping over stones ever since, like he was afraid anything and everything was a trigger. You tried to explain the uneasiness away, reminding yourself that he was just being considerate but every moment spent with him made you feel like you were a ticking time bomb about to go off at any given moment. He used to tug at your arm till it felt like the joints would pop off to rush towards the street busker and get you to dance with him. Now, your hands had become dainty petals, carefully handled in his as you both just blended into a passive crowd, watching other couples dance instead. 

The next time you felt sick, Shua was slightly less frantic. He softened his expression as he walked you through his day, highlighting the old lady who sat next to him on the bus who felt the need to ramble on about The Youth and their technology. Shua had a face that made anyone feel comfortable to tell him things, which only made you envious of these strangers because you, someone that should be closest to him, didn’t want to even hint the contents of your own mess of a mind. Even then, when he had done everything you wished he did the first time around, you picked up something else to worry about. You’ve dug a bottomless pit of worries that it never gave you space to think about Shua himself and the toll this was taking on him. It was unfair to him, you knew this.

Looking at him now, you’ve recognised your deepest, darkest fear; Shua’s loveless stare, one that screamed apathy. The clock beeped again. You were mindlessly entwining the chain of his necklace around your ring finger, a habit similar to the one he has of gently rubbing your right earlobe. Of course, it started out as an endearing touch, one that came from tracing his collar bone. Though lately, you’ve started doing this whenever you wanted to avoid talking, which was one of the reasons you were doing it now. You’re not even sure you remember the last time you and Shua had a real conversation.

“Oh. Sorry.” You retreated your hand and it was like you’ve suddenly let go of the only lifeline that connected you to him. His body was right next to you but his warmth was distant.

“Did you mean what you said last time?” He sounded wounded and it scared you that there wasn’t a single fibre in your body that wanted to scream no. You knew what you had said must’ve hurt. Those unfiltered words felt foreign on your tongue and yet you still managed to yell them at him, as he stood unguarded. You wanted to take it all back but you were unable to refute them because you knew that where this was going was for his sake as it was for yours.

“I did.” The moment you realised that Shua’s gaze was something you no longer talked about non-stop, you recognised that this was no longer good for either of you. It didn’t take long for him to agree. Everything was still and you were entirely numb. The severity of the sting would only be felt long after he leaves, when the only trace of him would be his lingering scent of fresh linen on your sheets. Of all the things he’s taught you, you would never forget that he never once made you think that you needed him, and you knew this was something you’d carry through the years.

A couple months later, winter greeted you like an old friend. One that didn’t even remind you how the last one was spent entirely with your past lover. You wondered about him though. You hoped that he had found peace in himself, that he didn’t blame himself for what happened to you both. Yet, you also hoped he wondered about you.

For the first time this year, it was cold enough to put on your big coat, feeling snug and warm as you stepped out. You reached into your pockets to warm your freezing fingers to find something cool touch your fingertips. You pull the metal object out to find the chain of Shua’s necklace, glistening as it reflected the sun. A rush of memories played back like a retro montage, of your awkward first kiss, of the second date at the amusement park, of meeting his mom for the first time for dinner. All the good ones that easily overshadowed the days you never want come back to. Without hesitation you put it on, feeling somewhat more complete with your ring finger entwining itself into the piece of him he’d left behind.

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
